ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
