I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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