So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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