The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
