Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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