Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
