I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
