I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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