Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
