That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
