a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
