i think my mom watched the whole time
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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