Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
