I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
