I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
