You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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