So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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