Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
