Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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