honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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