3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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