I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
