I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
