hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
