some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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