Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
