the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
