We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize