If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
