can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The air was thick with penises
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, beer. Big fan.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
