i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
