Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you're hired as official boob wrangler
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
