No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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