Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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