so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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