So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
