It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
