someone threw a dead crab at me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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