there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
