You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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