I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
