what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
