Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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