I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
