I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
