Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
