one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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