My first STD was from a foam party
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
