Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
