Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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