i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
