Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
