so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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