just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize