WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
