On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
