I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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