those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
