Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
