you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
