i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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