i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
did you just send me my own nude
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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