From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
did you just send me my own nude
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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