I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
