OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize