Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
