And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
