Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
