I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
