and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
