I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
