Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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