I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
