Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Don't EVER smell your tampon
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
