My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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