I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
